Perimenopause, relationships and the things we’ve learned to carry

The reality of Perimenopause is it can feel like someone has quietly moved all the furniture in your body and mind, then forgotten to tell you where anything is.

Your sleep patterns may change. You might feel more anxious, low, irritable or unlike yourself. Then when you’re already exhausted, the small moments in a relationship can sometimes feel so much bigger.

A missed call, a change in someone’s tone, or feeling that you’re carrying everything alone may land with what seems like the extra force of a battering ram!

But none if that means you’re “being hormonal” nor does it mean that your feelings aren’t valid.

What it may mean is you have less energy available to push those feelings aside, explain them away or keep everyone else comfortable.

For some of us, that can bring old patterns into perspective. Perhaps you lived a life that learned to make yourself easy to be around, or maybe to ask for very little, or to keep going even when your running on empty but nobody has seen that.

In my work, I call this emotional abandonment: the experience of becoming disconnected from your own needs, feelings or sense of self, often while trying to stay connected to other people.

Perimenopause doesn’t create that history, and it won’t feel the same for everyone. However it is a period of change and importantly a period of change can invite us to notice what we’ve been carrying, what no longer fits (and I don’t just mean clothes), and can invite curiosity for kind of care and connection we need now.

That’s part of why I run Defrazzle sessions at the The Tree Room. They offer a gentle pause from holding everything together: a chance to settle, reflect and reconnect through guided relaxation, creative expression and thoughtful reflection.

There’s no pressure to share, perform or arrive with the “right” words. You can come as you are.

Through my winder work at Blue Conker, I support people to understand the patterns that can leave them feeling overlooked, disconnected or smaller than they want to be. Through relational identity coaching and hypnotherapy, we explore how to reconnect with yourself and make room for clearer, more nourishing relationships.

You don’t have to wait until you’ve worked everything out before you seek a little space. Sometimes the first step is simply noticing: What am I feeling? What might I need? And can I include myself in the answer?

If perimenopause symptoms are affecting your day-to-day life, speak with your GP or another healthcare professional. You deserve support with the physical and emotional changes, as well as space to make sense of what they bring up.

Defrazzle with Blue Conker

Come as you are. Leave a little less frazzled.

Find out more at blue-conker.com